Understanding Your Child's Inner World: A Parent's Guide to Thoughts and Thinking

As parents, we often focus on our children's behaviours and emotions, but how often do we consider their thoughts?

That constant stream of mental activity shaping their experiences, fears, and dreams? Let's delve into the fascinating world of thoughts and thinking, and explore how we can help our children navigate their inner landscape.

What Exactly Are Thoughts?

Take a moment to pause and consider: Where are your thoughts right now?

If someone asked you to point to them, where would you point? Like most of us, you'd probably gesture towards your head. Our thoughts are invisible yet powerful forces that shape our daily experiences – and the same is true for our children.

Thoughts come in many forms:
- Visual images, like mini-films in our minds
- Memories of past experiences
- Dreams and plans for the future
- Problem-solving processes
- Creative imaginings

The Time-Travelling Mind

Our children's thoughts, like ours, don't just stay in the present.
They can:
- Drift back to memories of a wonderful day at the park
- Jump forward to worry about tomorrow's show-and-tell
- Replay past experiences, both happy and challenging
- Imagine future events, both exciting and anxiety-inducing

When Thoughts Become Worries

Have you noticed how your child's thoughts directly influence their emotions?

Take bedtime, for instance. When a child says, "I'm scared," it's often not the darkness itself that's frightening them – it's their thoughts about what might be in the darkness.

A Practical Tool: The Silly Transform Technique

Here's a playful strategy I use with my own son when scary thoughts creep in. We call it the "Silly Transform":

1. Acknowledge the scary thought or character

2. Add silly elements:
   - Put a ridiculous hat on it
   - Give it googly eyes
   - Turn it black and white instead of colour
   - Make it tiny and far away
   - Give it a squeaky voice
   - Imagine it doing something silly (like sitting on the loo!)

This technique helps transform frightening thoughts into something more manageable and even amusing.

Becoming Thought-Aware Parents

To better support our children, we first need to understand our own thought patterns. Try these reflective exercises:

1. Thought Spotting: Set aside 5 minutes today to notice your own thoughts. Where do they go? Are they in the past, present, or future? When you notice, label the thought with the words, "Having a Thought' and come back to presence (Your breath or sounds around you can be the anchor here).

2. Emotion Connection: When you feel a strong emotion, pause and ask yourself: "What thought just preceded this feeling?"

3. Future Thinking: Notice when you're worrying about the future. How often are these worries actually coming true?

Supporting Your Child's Thought Awareness

Here are some ways to help your child understand and manage their thoughts:

1. Open Discussions: Ask gentle questions like:
   - "Where do you feel your thoughts are right now?"
   - "What pictures do you see in your mind?"
   - "Are you thinking about something that already happened or something that hasn't happened yet?"

2. Thought Exploration Games:
   - Play "Thought Detective" - help them identify different types of thoughts
   - Create a "Thought Journal" with drawings or words
   - Practise the "Silly Transform" technique with non-scary thoughts first

3. Managing Worried Thoughts:
   - Help them distinguish between "what is" and "what if"
   - Practise turning worried thoughts into curious questions
   - Create a "Worry Time" box where they can store worried thoughts for later discussion

Remember...

Our thoughts are uniquely our own – we can't see our children's thoughts, and they can't see ours (which is probably a good thing!). But we can help them understand and manage their thinking patterns in healthy ways.

By becoming more aware of our own thoughts and helping our children do the same, we're giving them valuable tools for emotional resilience and mental wellbeing.

Your Turn to Reflect

- When was the last time you noticed your own thought patterns?
- How do your children express their thoughts to you?
- What strategies have you found helpful in managing your own or your children's worried thoughts?

Share your experiences in the comments below – your insights might help another parent on this journey of understanding thoughts and thinking.

Remember, supporting our children's mental wellness starts with understanding these invisible but powerful forces that shape their inner world. By helping them navigate their thoughts, we're giving them tools they'll use for a lifetime.